Hiding Smiles or Tears
by aceofspades650
Summary: A series of unrelated oneshots revolving around human emotions and feelings.
1. Pain

**Pain**

Pain claws at their minds, bodies, and souls. They are ninja after all. It's the monster under Kakashi's bed; it's the pounding in Sakura's head. It's her screams behind closed doors; it's the sound of Kakashi's hands hitting the floor. It's the sound of their hearts beating all to fast as bodies, teeth, and tongues meet. It's the sound of shattering glass as the wine goblet hits the floor on a mission gone so rightly wrong as the nameless target slumps to the ground to be reacquainted with his drink. And as two wine colors meet on the floor Sakura's eyes look on, cold and unfeeling. They are ninja, they don't show emotion. It looks like cotton candy locks and steel toned hair that has been pulled out in clumps by shaking hands. It also resembles red rimmed eyes that look up at the starless night and wonder "Why?". But they ninja and they are trained to forget, it's just another mission and another name crossed off in the Bingo Book. As her hand glows mint green over his pale, scar ridden skin to heal his bleeding chest she reaches out to touch the gravity defying moonlight colored locks that she loves so with her unoccupied hand. Then, bodies are meeting again and the pain is temporarily forgotten, at least for the night. It's another one of the days where all they can do is keep breathing when they head back to the village. It's another sleepless night away from each other on separate missions, and all they can do is curl into a ball to try and cover the hole in their hearts. But they are ninja, they know to expect this. The next day they are back in the village together viridian and coal eyes meet, and all it takes is three little words for the first time from both of their lips and they chase away all the pain. "I Love You." They are still ninja, but they have each other, and that's all they ever needed.

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><p>Alrighty! This is going to be a ongoing series of oneshots that probably won't be connected in anyway shape or form. They will most likely be all KakaSaku, but there may be an occasional other pairing or character. They all are going to have a title of an emotion or feeling that is going to somehow relate to the story. I know this one is pretty random and jumbled, but I did mean for it to be weird and hard to understand. I PROMISE not all of them will be in this same style. Some of these are going to have very adultish content so that's why the rating's M. If you have a request for something special, don't be afraid to ask. Oh, most of these are going to be pretty short because I don't have much time to write anymore.<br>P.S. These are all un-betad (or however you wanna spell it) so they are almost definitely going to have grammar mistakes.  
>Thanks for reading!,<br>ACE


	2. Tears

**Tears**

Tears are deliciously cruel drops of water. They rain down Sakura's face in a steady stream of depression and pain. They can touch or break a heart; or, like in this case, they are a sign that her heart is broken. Both Sasuke and Naruto have left her, and she feels like she has no one. Oh, they are still out there, but Naruto has left to train again, and Sasuke is still being too blind to see that he is loved and wanted in Konoha. As the tears make salty pools of water on the paper in front of her, they cry out "Save Her" as they fall for a select few around her to hear. They are the easy give away behind her every "little" white lie of "I'm fine". And then suddenly the tears are kissed away by a rarely unmasked face. Sakura is pulled into a warm embrace with a soft "Shh… It's all going to work out in the end." The tears slow, and eventually stop calling for help so loud. Then, once she has composed herself she wraps her arms around Kakashi's neck and kisses him dead on the lips. She mummers a quiet thank you with a cracking voice. With a soft smile Kakashi leans down and kisses her again with a whisper of "No more tears, Sakura." And then she isn't alone anymore, she isn't the only one left behind, the tears stop.

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><p>Hey hey! Wow, two mostly depressing stories in a row. At least they have happy endings, right? -bad poker face- We'll have to work on that... Anywhore, I still don't have a beta, so any mistakes are mine alone. Please feel free to point them out! Hope you enjoyed, would really appreciate a review if you did. Many thanks to my reviewers so far! Have a great week!<p> 


	3. Broken

**Broken**

Deep down, we're all a little broken. All ninja, no matter how pretty we may smile.

Some ninja, if they are lucky, are broken to a lesser extent. Still, others like me are broken beyond repair. We are trained liars; we can fool anyone into believing that the smile we plaster on every morning isn't completely fake. We are taught (and encouraged, if you grew up in a time of war like me) to smile in a way that no one will know truly how fucked up inside you are. At a young age, we are taught to lie to anyone in our presence to keep them from worrying when we make our first kills at tender ages. After all, the normal age for a first kill is anywhere between 5 – 14 years. We have to smile and pretend that we're still the same kids. And we're damn good at it.

If you are in a room full of us I can guarantee that the person next to you is broken. Hell, so is the person in front of you that you are conversing with that seems perfectly functional. Quite frankly, you are in a room full of incredibly unstable people. It's just to the level of which we're shattered inside that gives us our quirks. To name a few I have my Icha Icha series and the constant lateness, my lover, Sakura, has her temper, Naruto just covers how broken he is with that insanely bright grin, Gai spouts all of his "power of youth" bullshit, and Asuma, when he was around, had his smoking habit. The list could go on forever. But, the smiles are slipped on over our quirks so no one will know that they're really coping mechanisms.

Occasionally, if you live near us, you will hear a scream in the middle of the night. You pass it off as nothing, but this is when we are at our most vulnerable. We jerk awake with terrified eyes that are occasionally filled with tears. The dreams are the worst price of being a ninja, and Kami-sama, are they awful. Watching comrades die again and again knowing you can't save them, feeling the blood splash your face, watching your body being used as the worst kind of weapon on a seduction mission, seeing your blade slit a child's throat to ensure no witnesses. Night after night, it's the worst kind of hell imaginable.

I wouldn't, no; I couldn't wish it on the worst of my enemies.

The dreams are the part that truly ensures that you are dead inside. They are the things that complete the breaking process. They tell us just how inhuman we are. How cruel and cold we've become. However, the next morning the smile is slapped forcefully onto our faces again, and no one remembers the screams.

The one thing that breaks us the most is the death of one of our patchwork family members. We all dread seeing that official looking letter telling us that our lover, friend, or family member has passed on. No one ever realizes how tight knit of a group we actually are. Many of us are orphans, so the mismatched crowd is the only family some of us have. Most of us grieve privately the night before the funeral.

After all, we are ninja and we can't show tears or weakness.

After the deceased is honored we go to the local shinobi bar and have a drink in their stead. We all pretend not to see the tears on the face of the ones closest to the departed. We have all been given that gift before. After all, we have all let each other keep our pride. The last thing a ninja wants is pity. All the while we are offering silent support. We will never leave another to suffer alone. These are the only days that we can leave that damn smile at home.

So as you continue to hear us scream in the pitch black night, and every time you see one of us at the Cenotaph, let yourself know that we don't regret a second of it.

Sure, we mourn the death of one of our group terribly. Sure, we flinch a little inside every time the all too warm blood sprays in our faces. We hate how we can never seem to get it off in the shower under water that has long gone cold even though we still could see the blood on ourselves. Sure, we hate the hand shaped prints on our hips after we use our bodies; and the fact that whenever our true lovers touch us we cringe inside remembering different hands. And dammit why won't the smell of those fake-passion nights go away? We will always feel a stab of regret when we slit the eight year olds throat. And Kami-sama, the blood is still on our hands, we still can't scrub hard enough, even when the blood becomes our own. But we will never regret it.

We won't let the universe build us up again just to tear us down even harder. So, we ignore the universe and shove back the tears in the middle of the night and standing in front of the Cenotaph. Ninja are made of steel, sweat, and blood. We have to acknowledge the fact that some of our bizarre, dysfunctional, and yet so perfect family will not make it back from our missions. And this breaks us even further.

We are ninja. We protect you and the other villagers. We protect our families and homes. We protect our village. But we will never regret keeping our odd, discombobulated group as unbroken as we can. We will save each other.

All ninja are a little broken.

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><p>Alright Kids, hope you enjoyed it! This is what happens when you take Alice, the songs Turn Me On (by Nicki Manaj; don't ask me how this song relates to this story) and Dismantle. Repair (by Anberlin; if you haven't heard this go listen to it!), caffeine, and 4:00am and toss it all into a blender. More of an introspective Kakashi piece, but there is a <strong>smidge <strong>of KakaSaku. Just 'cause I can't leave my KakaSaku fans hanging. Anyhow, so much for these being un-betad. My awesomesauce new beta is Regas 27, and you have her to thank for this making any sort of sense. Go check her stories out. Thanks so much for putting up with me Kimmeh! Anyyyywhore this authors note is getting way too long so let me cut myself off before I rant anymore. Have a great day!


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